Letter
to my Father
(Summary of ACIM)
Dear Dad,
I’ve been away so long, I thought I should write to
fill you in in what I’ve been up to. You didn’t try to stop me
when I first became bored and thought I wanted to leave our perfect
home. In Your wisdom, You knew that couldn’t really happen
and you let me fall asleep and dream that it was so.
Such adventures I have had, You wouldn’t
Believe. I have to say that maybe I didn’t use the
unlimited creative powers you gave me wisely and ran a little
wild. I was in a rebellious state and to be honest, I didn’t want
my world to be the least like Yours, so I made everything exactly the
opposite, just for the hell of it. First I decided Oneness would
have to go. That didn’t serve my needs at all so I dreamed up
duality as the basis of a thought system that would ensure the
continuance of my kingdom.
In place of your ever expanding universe of love,
I made up ‘life’ like a carousel, seeming to advance but never really
getting anywhere and always reinforcing duality. Now, away
from Our Home, I had unlimited scope for my inventive mind and each new
idea built on the one before ending up with such a complicated thought
system, no one could ever fathom out what was going on.
I wanted my world to be different, so I dreamed up
form with a multitude of individual bodies with different sexes,
colours and shapes and provided built in obsolescence to everything
here. It was one of my best ideas, as nothing here lasts forever,
I could deny your existence as a loving God. Constant change was the
order of the day: I set it up so that the only way anyone could
exist was to kill in some form or other living off someone else or
being killed themselves. As a result it meant everyone has to
live here in a state of fear knowing that something or someone will get
you eventually. No matter how hard you try to avoid it ageing and
death is inevitable. It doesn’t make as much sense now as
it used to, as I’m not quite as insane any more, but it sure seemed
like a good idea at the time.
I know You wouldn’t have any idea what I mean, but I
thought up my own ‘trinity’ of sin guilt and fear giving me the
opportunity of categorising people to suit my needs. The end
result was always pain. ‘Pain’, Did I tell you about
that one. I found when I experienced pain I could not experience
You, which suited my delinquent mind perfectly. Sex was another
‘good’ idea, because with it I could seem to join and yet remain
separate . I could even imitate your creative power by creating
other separate bodies. It kept my mind occupied for quite a while, let
me tell you. I thought pleasure and pain were
different never realising they were opposite sides of the same
coin. ‘
Sickness’ was also a ‘brilliant’ idea as it gave me
a feeling of isolation and separation from my brothers and of course,
You. The powerful mind you gave me enabled me to deny
it was all my own idea and in this amnesic state I could blame someone
else for my lack of peace and condemn You for setting up this horrible
world in the first place.
Throughout the dream I’ve been searching for some
new experience never realising all I ever wanted was to return Home
again. I’ve done everything and been everywhere, many times
over. In my mind I’ve experienced every possible alternative.
I’ve been a murderer and a saint, a king and a pauper. I’ve been male
and female I’ve lived in every kind of body all over the world and in
every universe. I played the role of victimiser and victim and
switched from one to the other frequently. I’ve been beautiful and
healthy, crippled and diseased, . I have died as an infant and
lived to be very, very old. I have been
generous and kind. I’ve been hungry and I’ve been greedy and
uncaring. Not that I didn’t have fun playing all these
dramatic roles, rebelling against you in every possible way. If they
ever hand out academy awards for our performances here, I will at least
will be nominated in all the categories.
I managed to forget most of the time Your Love for
me was changeless but there were periods when my guilt of leaving you
made me feel very unworthy and I had this crazy fear, it would only be
a matter of time before you would catch up with me. I tried
to totally fill my mind up with unlimited distractions to avoid
thinking about You and Your Love.
You remember how I wanted to be special. Well let me
tell you in my dream, I achieved just that. I knew somehow you
would never treat me as special as you can only love every one of your
Sons equally, so an idea came to me I could find someone else who
would. I thought this would solve all my problems and I would
never need to think about my guilt again. How wrong I
was. I soon found out special love is constantly
changing and isn’t love at all. After a while the shine goes off
everything. I realise now my attachment to those special people and
things represented my guilt as the purpose of the relationship was to
cover it up. By listening to your voice in my mind, I am
slowly learning how to change my special relationships to holy ones. I
know that I must love my brothers as you love me or I have no chance of
ever knowing you,
I thought I made a real mess of things and
You would never forgive me, but deep down I think I always knew that
regardless of what state my mind is in, or whatever I think I have ever
done, and no matter how wretched I thought I was or am now, You remain
oblivious to all these experiences I am talking about. You
know nothing at all of this nonsense and have never changed your mind
about me, nor would you ever do so.
All through my insanity I have had Your gift of the
Holy Spirit in my mind, constantly and gently leading me back to
my real Home with You. I’m beginning to tire of the dream in
which all the miriad of alternatives always end up looking the
same. I am waking up gradually and
looking forward to coming home to You, this time for good.
Thank you Dad for your patience.
Your prodigal Son
Reproduced from “Miracle Link” newsletter by kind permission of
Bill McDonald, PO Box 516, Newport Beach, NSW 2106, Australia