Dear Dad,
I've been away so long,
I thought I should write
to fill you in what I've
been up to. You didn't
try to stop me when I
first became bored and
thought I wanted to
leave our perfect home.
In Your wisdom, You knew
that couldn't really
happen and you let me
fall asleep and dream
that it was so.
Such adventures I have
had, You wouldn't
believe. I have to say
that maybe I didn't use
the unlimited creative
powers you gave me
wisely and ran a little
wild. I was in a
rebellious state and to
be honest, I didn't want
my world to be the least
like Yours, so I made
everything exactly the
opposite, just for the
hell of it. First I
decided Oneness would
have to go. That didn't
serve my needs at all so
I dreamed up duality as
the basis of a thought
system that would ensure
the continuance of my
kingdom.
In place of your
ever-expanding universe
of love, I made up
'life' like a carousel,
seeming to advance but
never really getting
anywhere and always
reinforcing duality.
Now, away from Our Home,
I had unlimited scope
for my inventive mind
and each new idea built
on the one before ending
up with such a
complicated thought
system, no one could
ever fathom out what was
going on.
I wanted my world to be
different, so I dreamed
up form with a multitude
of individual bodies
with different sexes,
colours and shapes and
provided built in
obsolescence to
everything here. It was
one of my best ideas, as
nothing here lasts
forever; I could deny
your existence as a
loving God.
Constant change was the
order of the day: I set
it up so that the only
way anyone could exist
was to kill in some form
or other living off
someone else or being
killed themselves. As a
result it meant everyone
has to live here in a
state of fear knowing
that something or
someone will get you
eventually. No matter
how hard you try to
avoid it ageing and
death is inevitable. It
doesn't make as much
sense now as it used to,
as I'm not quite as
insane any more, but it
sure seemed like a good
idea at the time.
I know You wouldn't have
any idea what I mean,
but I thought up my own
'trinity' of sin guilt
and fear giving me the
opportunity of
categorising people to
suit my needs. The end
result was always pain.
'Pain'. Did I tell you
about that one? I found
when I experienced pain
I could not experience
You, which suited my
delinquent mind
perfectly. Sex was
another 'good' idea,
because with it I could
seem to join and yet
remain separate. I could
even imitate your
creative power by
creating other separate
bodies. It kept my mind
occupied for quite a
while let me tell you. I
thought pleasure and
pain were different
never realising they
were opposite sides of
the same coin.
'Sickness' was also a
'brilliant' idea as it
gave me a feeling of
isolation and separation
from my brothers and of
course, You. The
powerful mind you gave
me enabled me to deny it
was all my own idea and
in this amnesic state I
could blame someone else
for my lack of peace and
condemn You for setting
up this horrible world
in the first place.
Throughout the dream
I've been searching for
some new experience
never realising all I
ever wanted was to
return Home again. I've
done everything and been
everywhere, many times
over.
In my mind I've
experienced every
possible alternative.
I've been a murderer and
a saint, a king and a
pauper. I've been male
and female I've lived in
every kind of body all
over the world and in
every universe. I played
the role of victimiser
and victim and switched
from one to the other
frequently. I've been
beautiful and healthy,
crippled and diseased: I
have died as an infant
and lived to be very,
very old. I have been
generous and kind. I've
been hungry and I've
been greedy and
uncaring. Not that I
didn't have fun playing
all these dramatic
roles, rebelling against
you in every possible
way. If they ever hand
out academy awards for
our performances here, I
will at least will be
nominated in all the
categories.
I managed to forget most
of the time Your Love
for me was changeless
but there were periods
when my guilt of leaving
you made me feel very
unworthy and I had this
crazy fear, it would
only be a matter of time
before you would catch
up with me. I tried to
totally fill my mind up
with unlimited
distractions to avoid
thinking about You and
Your Love.
You remember how I
wanted to be special.
Well let me tell you in
my dream, I achieved
just that. I knew
somehow that you would
never treat me as
special as you can only
love every one of your
Sons equally, so an idea
came to me I could find
someone else who would.
I thought this would
solve all my problems
and I would never need
to think about my guilt
again. How wrong I was.
I soon found out special
love is constantly
changing and isn't love
at all. After a while
the shine goes off
everything. I realise
now my attachment to
those special people and
things represented my
guilt, as the purpose of
the relationship was to
cover it up. By
listening to your voice
in my mind, I am slowly
learning how to change
my special relationships
to holy ones. I know
that I must love my
brothers as you love me
or I have no chance of
ever knowing you.
I thought I made a real
mess of things and You
would never forgive me,
but deep down I think I
always knew that
regardless of what state
my mind is in, or
whatever I think I have
ever done, and no matter
how wretched I thought I
was or am now, You
remain oblivious to all
these experiences I am
talking about. You know
nothing at all of this
nonsense and have never
changed your mind about
me, nor would you ever
do so.
All through my insanity
I have had Your gift of
the Holy Spirit in my
mind, constantly and
gently leading me back
to my real Home with
You. I'm beginning to
tire of the dream in
which all the myriad of
alternatives always end
up looking the same. I
am waking up gradually
and looking forward to
coming home to You, this
time for good.
Thank you Dad for your
patience.
Your
prodigal Son
The ego tells you to be careful, to watch for danger, not to trust anybody, to be very careful, to save for a rainy day... Its prescriptions are always about bad things coming in the future.
We want you to
understand that you are
a powerful creator, and
if you continue to think
along those lines, you
will manufacture the
disasters you are
focused on. If you think
always about avoiding
sickness, you will get
sick; you will feel the
power of your own
miscreations manifesting
in your body. If,
however, you are living
a passionate life and
focus on your health,
then you will see health
manifested in your body.
It is just that simple!
And we challenge all of
you that have sicknesses
to observe how often you
either talk about them,
or project into the
future how terrible they
might become, or even
how you ruminate on them
internally, rather than
envisioning a healthy
body, a strong body, a
happy body.
Your body is not
everything. But we
understand that when you
have fallen into lower
frequencies, the
miscreations in the
physical can become
quite painful. And what
you will find as you go
through these lessons
and continue on your
practicing after these
lessons are done
(Remember, this is a
training period. This is
a clarification period.
It is not the be all and
end all of it - you must
continue your work every
day!) you will begin to
see and feel the
strength, joy, and
happiness that these
lessons speak
about.
Commentary on Lesson 292 - A Course in Miracles
We are asking you
to mature out of the
ego's demented,
inconsistent, and
violent ways into a more
loving being.
Now many of you will
say, "I am not
inconsistent! I go to
work every day. I'm not
violent. I don't shoot
anybody!" But we want
you to go into your
inner world and ask
yourself, "How
consistent is your inner
world? How calm and
loving is your inner
world?" Not the
behaviors that have been
trained into you by
conditioning programs,
but by the truth of what
you are inside.
Remember, your
manifesting is going to
be a reflection of the
truth of what you are
inside, not your social
face, not the face of
innocence that the ego
paints on you, but the
truth of your internal
frequency, all of the
ups and downs, the
hatreds, the fears, the
self-loathing that is
contained within there.
And that is why you have
the saying "bad things
happen to good people",
because the behavior of
people seems to be good.
They seem to be nice,
kind, and polite, but
inside they may be
seething with
frustration, anger, and
shame, and THAT is what
will generate what you
consider the "bad"
thing. So remember:
there are no secrets
being kept on this
plane! Even if the words
aren't spoken, your
frequency is emitting
what you believe and
feel and think all of
the time. ALL of the
time! And the universe
is listening and
bringing you a
reflection of that
frequency back to you.
So please stop playing
the victim. Step up into
your Christhood, and
train your minds into
love. And when you find
an unloving part of your
mind, do not condemn
yourself, but say, "You
are no longer allowed to
reside within my sacred
space. You must leave!
And to enforce that
leaving, I am no longer
going to believe the
thoughts you generate,
and I am not going to
act as if what you are
saying is true, because
I can feel the frequency
is unloving!" This is
the responsibility that
you all bear because you
have been given free
will. The responsibility
that you bear is to stop
believing every thought
that these unloving
beliefs generate, stop
acting as if every idea
you have in your mind is
true, whether it's
hateful or not, and to
begin to use your free
will to choose
Christ-like behavior for
yourself and others. We
always remind you:
include YOURSELF in that
loving principle.
Commentary on Lesson 306 - A Course in Miracles